I was angry at myself for being so uninformed and not knowing what the natural order of these things were.I was angry at myself for being so slow in asking you to be with me exclusively.I was angry at myself for being so laid back in the matter,thinking that there was nothing to worry about.I was angry at myself for not doing anything even though there were moments of clarity where I did realise there was something to be worried about.I was angry at myself for saying yes to my best friend when he asked me if it was okay for him to start talking to you.I was angry at myself for being the one of the reasons behind my best friend getting together with you.
I was angry at you because you expected me to bare out everything that I wanted when you didn't budge an inch.I was angry at you because you didn't reject my best friend outright.I was angry at you because you didn't wait for me.I was angry at you because you didn't choose me.I was angry at you because in my head we were technically together and you getting together with him was like "cheating" as ridiculous as it sounds or even dumping me to be with my best friend.I was angry because I was an immature 15 year old who was just heartbroken by his first love,and in quite the spectacular fashion if I do say so myself.
Looking back,I can honestly say that I am no longer at myself or you.I was young and I didn't know any better.I'm big enough of a man to say that I was at fault and you were not.I am sorry for the unscrupulous drama that unfolded.I am sorry for my immaturity.
But,apologies aside,I must also thank you.I am extremely grateful towards you.I am grateful because that particular event was the catalyst that enabled me to mature as an individual.I am grateful because you helped me realise what kind of person I want to be.I am grateful because you helped me realise what kind of person do I want to be with.And finally,I am grateful because you helped me realise that the kind of person I want to be with is almost nothing like you.
Watching your relationship with my best friend play out kinda opened my eyes to the fact that I was incredibly lucky to not have been in a relationship with you.I am so grateful that I received the long end of the stick and was hurt in the short-run rather than further down the road.I had a front row seat in seeing how you grew up and played the "girlfriend" role,and now I look back and think WHOOOOAAAAA,I DODGED A BULLET THERE.
And so I wanted to try being just friends with you but surprise surprise,now that I've grown up a tad,I don't find it very stimulating being your friend.Though I will admit there is something about you that is fascinating.You have a spark that intrigues me.I find it attractive and fascinating because I have found no other girl that has that spark.You draw me in and still do,granted,its not in the same way you used to. But that doesn't redeem you of the plethora of things that make me glad that you did not choose me.
In conclusion,I don't really care anymore whether or not you stay in my life.I'm glad to say,I don't need you.
I am happy.